The Lady With The Eyebrows Has Moves

Phuket, Thailand.

“Why don’t you come over tomorrow and I’ll prepare you lunch,” she asked, while clearing the empty plates and wiping down my table.

“I thought tomorrow’s your day of rest?”

“I mean to my location, not the dining establishment. It’s simply a room, however I have a little electrical range that I use on the veranda. I can cook pad krapow moo for you.”

“Maybe,” I stated. “However let’s go get some drinks tonight.”

Living in Thailand was altering me into a classification of guy that I never ever believed I ‘d be. Though it’s also a category of male that’s so extremely foreign and absurd that it’s ended up being downright remarkable for me to observe. I gleefully watch myself as if I were watching some meaningless simulation in a computer game. What’s he going to do now?! What zany experience will befall him next?!

The classification of man that I mention is the kind that gets his waitress at a small, outdoor restaurant beside his gym in an alley in Patong, Phuket, and then sleeps with her.

Though I didn’t suggest to pick her up or sleep with her. We were only making breezy discussion about my favorite Thai dishes and the ones that she excelled at cooking. It was a late afternoon on a Tuesday throughout low season, therefore the dining establishment was empty and Phuket was uncharacteristically peaceful. The locals were simple, nearly bored, almost miserable, and in need of social interaction. All of it took place so organically.

She was my waitress– the only waitress, really, because 10-seater joint– in her early twenties with chunky hair, soft features and reasonable skin that exposed her Chinese origins. She dressed fashionably in denim black joggers and matching black V-neck, an only bra strap teasingly exposed, with fashionable, tortoise-shell glasses balanced precariously on the idea of her nose. She was created well with the exception of her unnaturally thick eyebrows, balanced and too arched, that were apparently made use of with a broad, felt-tip marker, the kind with the excessive fumes. They were too extravagant to be an error, and she was too remarkable otherwise, so I assume they were a new trend that I was uninformed of.

“You’re not from here,” I said. She didn’t fit the profile of the other locals.

“Chiang Mai,” stated Eyebrows. “I’m new, though. Eight months.”

“So how come there’s no excellent pad krapow moo in Phuket?” I asked her. Pad krapow moo– holy basil pork– was my dish of choice that I would take in every day in Thailand. Often twice. Always with a fried egg.

“All the good chefs relocated to Bangkok to open dining establishments and Phuket’s stuck with the leftovers. The cook here is alright, however I’m better. He will not let me touch anything, however. Perhaps in a couple of months.”

“You like to cook?”

“Hey, I’m from fucking Chiang Mai– I can prepare anything!”

Eyebrows had an edge to her that was too audacious for a Thai lady, who are normally meek and scheduled while the sun’s still up. I chalked it as much as her living in Patong Beach, where she needs to be hit on numerous times a day by inebriated, obnoxious immigrants on getaway. (Thankfully, I wasn’t any of these things at this uncommon minute.) The joint was empty so she sat and talked while I ate, about her household in Chiang Mai, her uncle’s restaurant that we were sitting at, and how she believes she was adopted because she’s a “beach, not mountain, girl.” I finished my pad krapow moo and she cleared the meals.

“Why don’t you visit tomorrow and I’ll prepare you lunch?”

Bizarre– I never got this type of invite previously, specifically from somebody in the service industry. This need to be the handle Phuket: it’s common for the waitresses to date the clients. This shit would not fly in Bangkok, or anywhere else in the world.

“Perhaps,” I said. “However let’s go get some drinks tonight.”

Eyebrows got off work at 9pm. I left my motorcycle at my hotel and strolled back to her uncle’s restaurant, Laem Chabang dating in the alleyway beside my gym. She appeared shorter than previously, however the eyebrows were the same. We walked a couple of blocks north to Bangla Roadway, rather perhaps the most appalling street in all of Southern Thailand (intoxicated travelers, unpleasant touts, thumping and flashing brilliant lights techno), however we were in the state of mind for live music, and Bangla Road was the place to get it.

We hopped from bar to bar on the primary pedestrian drag, having a hard time to find a location that matched our mood. Some places were too sports-barry, laem chabang Dating while others were too Russian hookery. Bangla Roadway has actually progressed significantly over the past years because I first came here, the most incredible modification being the white backpacker girls who are now distributing leaflets for the Pussy Reveals, evidently trying to fund their extended trip, while their regional teenage employers lorded over them with 50 baht notes. How the tables have actually turned.

I adhered to shitty mojitos (because there are no excellent mojitos on Bangla) and Eyebrows downed shot after shot of tequila.

“I don’t truly like to consume,” she stated. “My trick is, I just have four or five of these, and then I’m good for the night.”

“If anyone has four or 5 of those, they’re good for the night. That’s a dumb trick,” I said.

“You’re dumb,” she stated.

So Eyebrows consumed her tequila and I drank my mojitos and we wound up unavoidably drunk and inevitably making out in the corner of that massive beer hall at the entrance of Bangla, the one with the complete stage and live music. There was a Filipino cover band with each band member dressed from a various genre: a Bob-Marley lookalike on skins, a stunning goth chick on bass, and a flamboyant, androgynous lead vocalist in a red velvet one-piece suit with a cigarette mustache and slicked back hair. He was all over the place, mixing popular tunes from Michael Bublé to Beyoncé to YMCA.

Eyebrows took her 6th shot of Cuervo and I changed to San Miguel Light to hydrate.

“What should we do now?” I slurred.

“We can walk around the corner to the other bar, or go consume moo ping,” she used.

“You know what I desire to do?”

“What?”

“I wish to find a place to put down with you.”

I picked my words thoroughly so as to not come off creepy, but then came off even creepier than if I had actually simply said, Let’s go someplace and fuck. “I wish to discover a place to set with you” has an unusual, morbid undertone to it, does not it? Like, “I wish to put down with your still-warm corpse …”

“Okay.”

We talked about the logistics: we couldn’t go to my hotel due to the fact that all guests were forbidden. We were in Patong, Phuket, after all, and hotels didn’t desire the danger of unregistered hookers running around, stealing toilet paper and stabbing their consumers. And Eyebrows resided in a female-only dorm room where guests weren’t allowed after sundown.

“There must be a love hotel,” she said. We roamed the blocks surrounding Bangla Road, littered with motels and hotels and hostels, trying to find any indication that they charged per hour rates like in Tokyo. No such luck. We asked the front desk of among the mid-range hotels, and they offered us a suspicious and disgusted (dispicious?) appearance and said, Mai mee– sold out! then shooed us out. We hesitated to try that again.

“How could you not understand of any?” I asked her. “It’s all right that you’ve done this in the past. I’m fine with it.”

“What sort of woman do you believe I am?” she said. Well …

“Let’s just go to my hotel,” I stated, defeated. “I’ll just spend for another visitor.”

We went to my hotel and, thankfully, the front desk was unmanned. I quickly ushered Eyebrows to the elevator and we snuck up to my space on the 17th floor, kissing in the elevator and passages along the way. We promptly undressed and got into bed where we had ordinary sex up until completion, when Eyebrows had to carry out an amazing ending up relocation in order to activate her own orgasm. We rested and she performed her maneuver as soon as more, laem chabang dating with surgical accuracy and consistency, and we came simultaneously and strongly, like some fabricated scene in a shitty Hollywood movie.

We got up in the middle of the night, twisted, not knowing where one body ended and the other began. Eyebrows put her clothing on and I bid farewell to her at my door instead of the lobby.

The next day, I transferred to a hotel in downtown Phuket, away from the tourist areas and closer to my coworking workplace. Eyebrows didn’t appear shocked. “Okay, well it was great to satisfy you,” she messaged.